Waves of Grief

Waves of Grief

by Deanna Fitzpatrick, Spiritual Medium

For nearly five years now I have been working with clients who are grieving for a loved one that has passed away.  I work as a Spiritual Medium and am confronted with death on a daily basis.

Grief is a very difficult thing for nearly everyone.  It’s a personal experience.  No two people grieve in the exact same way.  This often makes it hard for someone else to help us when we are going through what is often our deepest pain.  People try to be of assistance with words of comfort and advice.  They mean well and truly want to be there for us.  But our grief is entirely based on our own emotions and perceptions so the well meaning words of others can sometimes ring hallow for us. And so we get to a point while grieving that we realize we must at some level just go it alone.  Now, I don’t mean we have to hibernate and remove ourselves from society, or seek out guidance or even grief counseling but it seems we should let go of looking and expecting others to understand.  However we can honor them for their love and assistance in our time of need. 

So what do we do with all the emotion we are feeling?  The emotions can come at anytime and often when we least expect it.  One friend said that when her father passed she thought she was handling it well.  Then suddenly in the middle of the grocery store a memory struck her and the feeling of loss became overwhelming.  Tears began to fall.  Some days the emotions seem to be never ending and you wonder if you will ever move to the other side of grief.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote a very popular book in 1969 called “On Death and Dying” in which she revealed her work with terminal patients and their families.  Through her research she learned that in the process of dying and inevitable death both the dying individual and the remaining survivors experience a series of emotions.  These emotions do not necessarily occur in the same order as listed:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Again the level of grief and the emotions that evolve are very personal and different for each person.

Some have found that experiencing grief brings them closer to their spiritual and or religious beliefs.  They begin looking for meaning.  They want to know what happens to their deceased loved one.  They look for hope.  Some find these answers through their church or religion, while others search for a Psychic/Medium to help with their lingering questions.

A Medium is someone who has the ability to speak to those who have made their transition to the other side.  Often the term “other side” is now used to identify the dimension or dimensions that we exist in once we pass away.  A skilled Medium will be able to sit with you and give you validating information regarding your loved one that they could not have known.  Information that is personal and true.  Very little information need come from you during the consultation.  The less information you give is actually better for a respected Medium. 

Clients often find that they walk away with a new feeling of relief.  They now know that the person they “lost” continues on at the level of spirit and often watches over us and is aware of what is going on in our lives.  A new realization is born, a realization that we are not just our bodies and we do continue on after the disintegration of our human form. 

Other avenues can be very helpful in working through our grief.  Grief Counselors understand the stages of grief and help us to identify and understand what we are experiencing.  Exercise and walking in nature can also be very healing.  And even though we may feel antisocial, spending time with other friends and in small groups can be very helpful in keeping us from going too far into a state of depression.

We also should remember that it is ok to feel our pain, to allow it to come out.  To listen to the message the pain is giving us.  The difficulty lies in not becoming attached to the pain.  And, this is when we may need to push ourselves to move on even when we don’t feel like it.  “Moving on”, does not mean forgetting.  It does not mean that we let go and no longer love the person who has transitioned.  We will always hold them close.  And we will always feel a sense of emptiness where they once held space in our hearts.  But knowing they continue on, we must also realize that we too should do the same.  It is what they want for us.  For we know we have time on our side to make even a better life for ourselves.  And, we can honor them by living our lives fully.